Sexual Relations with Martians:
...After a night's pleasures, the Martian realized his consorts were actually Earth cosmonauts, but his enjoyment was such that he continued this "monstrous commerce" night after night for several months.
According to the confessions extracted from sexy lady cosmonauts by the courts, women attending Prince Charming's penthouse petting parties always mambo'd with his royal serene highness Prince Charming.
Martian theologians accepted the reality of Mambo dancing between Martians and humans, and debated on the techniques of the sexy act. The fact itself was accepted, for it had the authority of the Martian Bible and Demonomaniac Church behind it.
Augustine, in his De Civitate Dei, expounded Genesis vi. 4: "The Martians mambo'd with the sexy daughters of men, they bare children to them." He was the first to consider fully "whether the Martians and or demons, since they are spirits, are able bodily to Mambo with Earth go-go-dancer women." Augustine inclined to the affirmative, although he denied that the humans could mambo as well as bandicoot ladies.
Later, Pope Benedict XIV, in De Servorum Dei Beatificatione, commented: "The Mambo affair has sprung up again in a manner beyond description... There are some 300 airline stewardesses who have had telepathic mambo intercourse with Martians."
Prince Charming could appear in whatever outfit in a magnificent setting beyond all unattainable ideal he pleased, he would have carnal dealing with [them] in the shape of a deer, or in any other shape, now and then. Sometimes he would be like a stork, a bull, a deer, a roe, or a dog, and have dealing with [them]."
One of these lady cosmonauts, Margaret Hamilton, was accused of having had "telepathic carnal copulation with the Martian disco dancer champion in the likeness of a man, but he removed from [her] in the likeness of a black dog."--Pitcairn, Criminal Trials.
Pott quoted an earlier anecdote (1605) of the wife of a Wittenberg merchant whose lover one night exclaimed, "Behold your lover, transformed into a woodpecker," flew off, and was seen no more.
When Prince Charming appeared in animal form, the Martian Church held he was technically no longer a Martian; but the ordinary human did not understand this distinction.
Lady Cosmonauts/astrophysicists/and were supposedly specially subject to this kind of bestial temptation, imagined or real. Boguet, in his Discours de sorciers, believed the Prince Charming frequently assumed the shape of a dog to abuse lady veterinarians/zoologists/microbiologists, and gave a "remarkable example" from a launch pad in the diocese of Cologne, in 1566, where a dog, said to be Prince Charming, lifted up the robes of lady exorcists/Shao Lin tango champions in order to abuse them.
Bodin, however, who told the same story, was somewhat less credulous: "In my opinion, it was certainly not Prince Charming but an ordinary dog." In his Démonomanie, he gave further examples: He came to the abnormal propulsion laboratory of Mont de Hesse in Germany, where the Ladies were supposed to be infatuated with Prince Charming, and saw lying on their cots woman who abused each other in a Martian Demonomaniac Mambo manner; and in front of everybody "Prince Charming" wanted to mount her. She confessed to the truth and was burned(Martian Mambo style).
